For most people, a concert is a musical event, put on by an artist they admire. You go to the arena/theater, etc. by yourself or with friends or other family members. Maybe buy some merch, maybe a drink or snack if they have it. You find your seats. The show starts. You have a good time.

For someone on the autism spectrum, attending a concert is a much different experience. There are a lot of people around you. The noise is more deafening. And when the headliner shows up on stage, everyone stands up and you can’t see the show. And you lose it.

My almost 18-year-old daughter is on the spectrum. She is also a HUGE Charlie Puth fan. In fact, if it weren’t for my daughter, my only knowledge of Charlie would be from hearing some of his music on the radio occasionally. So when she learned Charlie was going on tour to promote his latest album “Charlie”, she asked if she could go. I found tickets for his show at Foxwoods. And I must add that they were extremely reasonably priced. That was back in February. Fast-forward to last night.

Understand that my daughter suffers from great anxiety that even a short car trip can trigger. So first off, she is commended for handling the hour and 15 minute ride to and from Foxwoods. Secondly, I am so grateful for the wireless headphones she brought to drown out the noise. There were moments during the show I wish I had a pair.

She made it through the opening act, a singer named Blu DeTiger. Not a bad performer but in my opinion, way too much bass. Considering my daughter was anxiously awaiting Charlie’s performance, she did well getting through the set.

Then the moment came. The lights dimmed. The crowd went wild. And all the people who had sat completely still during Blu’s performance, stood up. And never sat back down. So my daughter could not see. She couldn’t even see the video screen.

Now to a neurotypical person, the most logical thing to do would be to also stand up. After all, it is a concert and if you want to see the performer, you’re probably going to have to stand.

My daughter does not have a problem with standing and I feel for anyone who goes to a concert who cannot stand for a long time. My husband is one of those people, as he has MS. But my daughter doesn’t have great strength in her legs either and she tires easily when standing. So it upset her greatly that she had come all this way for one of her favorite performers and couldn’t even see him. I told her over the deafening noise that she could see him if she stood up. And she said no, she wouldn’t be able to. She even mentioned leaving because she couldn’t see him. And she began crying. And screaming. And I felt helpless, as I so often do in those moments.

She finally said she wanted to go somewhere to calm down. The three of us went out into the foyer area where she sobbed more and I talked calmly to her. I asked her if she wanted to leave and she said no. Okay, good. Because I know she really, really wanted to see and experience Charlie Puth. So I explained to her that often at concerts people stand up because the people in front of them stand up so if THEY want to see, THEY’RE going to have to stand up also. Plus, with the great music, who can just sit still in their chair? I told her if she wanted to see Charlie on stage, she would have to stand. And we would stand with her. And that’s what she decided to do. And I’m so glad because she would have regretted it for the rest of her life.

By this time we had missed a few songs, but my daughter was laughing, smiling and singing along to the rest of the show. She took a few breaks and sat down and then would prompt me to stand back up. She was able to see Charlie on the video screen and on the stage. She, like everyone else, was snapping photos and video. She wanted to get a clip of every song. And she loved it. She had turned what started off as an upsetting experience into a very joyful, enjoyable experience.

When Charlie came out for the encore, my daughter said she was ready to go. She seemed satisfied and content. And that was fine enough for us because leaving at that moment, we would beat the crowd. Better yet, we were able to easily get merch and not have to deal with the line. There was plenty of stuff left. My daughter got a poster and a T-shirt.

This was only the second concert my daughter had been to. Her first had been in 2019 and was a much more subdued experience where nobody stood up. So the Charlie Puth experience was certainly a different experience for her. And a learning experience for all of us.