Of all the “Seinfeld” Christmas episodes, this one is my favorite. Mainly because Jerry Stiller makes it so much better, as he did many of the “Seinfeld” episodes.

We start off with Jerry, Elaine and George at Tim Whatley’s Hannukah party. Elaine gets hit on by a man she refers to as “denim vest”, who she gives a fake number to. Jerry hits on a woman who ends up only looking good only in certain light.

George and Jerry meet at the coffee shop where George reveals he ate all the cocktail wieners at the party and then proceeds to open his mail. One of the pieces of mail is a card from Whatley stating that a donation has been made in George’s name to Children’s Alliance. Which pisses George off because he got him Yankee tickets and all he got was this stupid card and supposedly a donation in his name. Elaine comes in and mentions she’s going to Atomic Sub and that she has a card she stamps every time she buys a sub. Twenty-four subs and she’s a submarine captain. And gets a free sub.

George looks disheartened as he continues opening his mail, revealing what looks like a Christmas card. As he stuffs the card back into the envelope. Jerry and Elaine wonder what the issue is.

George: It’s a card from my dad.

Elaine grabs it and reads it: “Dear Son, Happy Festivus. What is Festivus?”

George: It’s nothing.

Then Jerry proceeds to tell the story about when George was growing up, his father started Festivus because he hated all the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas. As Jerry continues, mentioning there was a pole and feats of strength involved, George grabs his mail and runs out of the coffee shop, leaving Elaine and Jerry laughing.

Back at Jerry’s apartment, Kramer is lounging on the sofa, reading Jerry’s VCR manual. Elaine discovers that she mistakenly wrote her fake phone number on her Atomic Sub card and gave it to “denim vest” guy. So, she has to get a hold of “denim vest”. Jerry suggests she call her blow off number to see if he’s called it. Before she goes to call, another phone rings, one that Kramer happens to be sitting on. Kramer answers it to discover the H & H Bagel strike is over and now he can go back to work. Kramer shows Jerry and Elaine his business card and explains they’ve been on strike for twelve years. Jerry asks why he never mentioned it and Kramer says “I didn’t want you to know I was out of work. It’s embarrassing.”

Kramer goes to H & H and the guy running the place, Harry, hires him for the holidays. Meanwhile, Elaine goes to Horsetrack Betting, because that’s the fake phone number she gave denim vest guy. The guys working there tell her they’ve been getting calls for her for five years. He tells her if she gives him her real number, he’ll have the vest guy call her. But instead of giving out her real number, she jots down the number to H & H Bagels.

Jerry is meeting Gwen, the woman he picked up at Tim’s party, for dinner and when he sees her, he questions if it’s really her because she looks so different.

George tells Jerry about his Christmas present plans to all his co-workers at Kruger. He has made up a fake charity and wrote out on cards that indicate “a donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund.”

Kramer comes in with day old bagels that nobody wants to eat. George gets set to leave and on his way out Jerry wishes him a Happy Festivus and as Elaine comes in, she wishes him a Happy Festivus. So Kramer inquires what Festivus is and Jerry explains that Frank, George’s father, made up the holiday.

Kramer: Frank invented a holiday? He’s so prolific.

Elaine then tells him about how she’s given out the H & H Bagels number and if a guy calls looking for her, he should take a message. Because she’s still trying to get that free sub.

Kramer, being curious about Festivus, has called Frank, who shows up at H & H. Frank tells Kramer he hasn’t celebrated Festivus in years. Kramer wants to know everything.

Frank: Many Christmases ago I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rain blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us!

Kramer: That must’ve been some kind of doll.

Frank: She was.

Meanwhile at George’s place of work, Kruger’s, George is passing out his phony Human Fund donation cards and getting real gifts in return.

Back at H & H Frank is continuing to explain Festivus to Kramer.

Frank: And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.

Kramer: Is there a tree?

Frank: No, instead there’s a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.

Kramer: Frank, this new holiday of yours is scratching me right where I itch.

Frank: Let’s do it then! Festivus is back! I’ll get the pole out of the crawl space.

Elaine comes in and asks if there’s been any word from the vest. Kramer says no. He then asks his boss Harry for the 23^rd off and Harry has a problem with that because he hired Kramer to work during the holidays. Kramer explains that the 23^rd is Festivus and that Harry is infringing on Kramer’s right to celebrate new holidays. Harry says that’s not a right. Kramer says it’s going to be, rip offs his apron and declares he’s going back on strike. Kramer tries to get Elaine to leave but she says she has to stay to wait for her call. Kramer calls her a “scab” and leaves.

Jerry picks up Gwen for a date, who is looking good, until they go through a tunnel and then is looking bad.

Jerry talks about Gwen’s face changing phenomenon with George at the coffee shop, comparing it to a 3D baseball card. Jerry states the only place she really looks good is in the back booth at the coffee shop. While they are there, Frank and Kramer walk in with the Festivus pole, much to George’s chagrin.

Frank: George, Festivus is part of your heritage. It’s a part of who you are.

George: That’s why I hate it.

Kramer tells everyone there’s a big dinner at Frank’s on Tuesday night. Frank lays a tape recorder on the table, telling George he’s forgetting how much Festivus has meant to everyone. He plays the tape which portrays him telling George to read a poem and George saying he can’t because he needs his glasses and Frank calling him weak and Estelle yelling to leave him alone. A great Castanza family Festivus gathering if there ever was one. Then on the tape you hear Frank say, “Okay, George, it’s time for the Festivus Feats of Strength.” To which George freaks and demands it be turned off and he runs out of the coffee shop yelling “I hate Festivus!”

Gwen comes in looking not so good and Jerry suggests they go sit in the back booth and then she looks better. Jerry declares “Now this is a good-looking booth” and Gwen gives him a look.

Back at H & H, Kramer is picketing while Elaine is inside waiting for her call. The phone rings and Elaine answers it and it’s Kramer telling her to get out of there because he’s sabotaged the bagel machine. Next thing, the steam valve on the bagel machine starts blowing steam. Elaine is still waiting for her call.

At Kruger’s, Mr. Kruger presents George with a $20,000 check for the Human Fund which suddenly gives George a huge problem.

Back at the coffee shop Gwen is becoming disgusted with the soup and asks Jerry how many times they have to come to the place and Jerry tells her it’s their place. Then George comes in and Gwen leaves. George shows Jerry the check from Kruger and discusses becoming a philanthropist.

Elaine rushes out of H & H, her hair a mess from all the steam. She tells Kramer the vest just called and in ten minutes she’ll have her hands on the Atomic Sub card.

Kramer: And?

Elaine: Free sub.

Gwen comes by and greets Kramer and he doesn’t recognize her. Kramer tells her he’s seen Jerry’s girlfriend and that this woman he’s speaking to now is much better looking than Jerry’s girlfriend and a foot taller. So this makes Gwen think Jerry is seeing someone else on the side.

Gwen: That’s why we’re always hiding in that coffee shop. He’s afraid of getting caught.

Elaine meets up with vest, who we finally learn is named Steve. He doesn’t recognize her because her hair is a mess. She asks for the card. He says he has it back at his place but he can’t go there now. Elaine tells him to give her his number and he jots down a fake  number, just like she did.

Kruger has figured out there is no such thing as the Human Fund and George gives the money back. Kruger figures out that the cards George had given out were fake. George explains that he gave the fake cards because he doesn’t really celebrate Christmas, he celebrates Festivus. And he tells Kruger he could prove it. To which Kruger agrees.

The final scene has everyone congregating at Frank and Estelle’s for Festivus dinner. George brings Kruger, Elaine comes in looking terrible with Jerry, and Kramer walks in with the two guys from the horse betting place, much to Elaine’s surprise. They had called the number she gave them to ask her out and got H & H Bagels.

Kramer: I told them I was just about to see you. It’s a Festivus miracle!

Estelle comes out with dinner and everyone gathers around the table.

Frank: Welcome newcomers, the tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you’re gonna hear about it! You, Kruger, my son tells me your company stinks!

George: Oh, God…

Frank (to George): Quiet. You’ll get yours in a minute. Kruger, you couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe—I lost my train of thought.

Suddenly, Gwen appears and calls out Jerry.

Jerry: Gwen, how did you know I was here?

Gwen: Kramer told me.

Kramer: Another Festivus miracle!

Gwen points to Elaine and says, “I guess this is the ugly girl I’ve been hearing about.”

Elaine: Hey, I was in a Shvitz for six hours. Give me a break.

Gwen turns to leave, and Jerry runs after her then yelps and comes back in declaring “Bad lighting on the porch.”

Elaine asks the horse betting guys how her horse did and is told he had to be shot.

Frank then brings up the Feats of Strength and says this year the honor goes to Mr. Kramer.

Then Kramer remembers he has to leave because he has to work a double shift at H & H.

Jerry: I thought you were on strike.

Kramer: Yeah well, I caved. I mean I really had to use their bathroom. Frank, no offense but this holiday’s a little—out there.

George begs him not to go because who’s going to do the Feats of Strength? Kruger suggests George does it. Frank agrees.

Frank: Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over.

George: Please. Somebody stop this.

Frank: Let’s rumble!

In the very last scene, we see Kramer making bagels and getting his gum stuck in the dough. Harry sees this and fires him.

Kramer: Thank you!