Although not a “true” Christmas episode, I chose this episode because it’s the second to last before Diane leaves. I know I could have chosen the Christmas episode from Season 6, but I like Diane better than Rebecca. Plus, this episode does have a very important Christmas theme.

Sam and Diane are on the verge of getting married. Diane rushes into the bar and announces to Sam that she has found a house. As she’s rambling on about what’s in the house, Sam interrupts her and reminds her they agreed to live in his apartment the first year. Diane asks Sam to come look at the house. Sam says he isn’t ready to own a home, and he has to work up to it.

Norm pipes in: “Sammy’s right. It’s a big responsibility. You got lawns to mow, you got plumbing to fix, you got gutters to clean and every couple of years, you got to paint the entire thing from top to bottom. Honestly, I don’t know where Vera gets the energy”.

Diane continues to try to convince Sam and then tells him that they own it because she put a deposit on it.

So, Diane convinces Sam to buy the house and the first thing Sam moves in is his prized possession picture of dogs playing blackjack. Sam places it on the mantel and admires it, laughing as Diane looks on in disgust. Just as Diane and Sam start to get amorous, an elderly couple appears carrying some boxes. They are the previous owners, Bert and Lillian Miller. They had forgotten a few odds and ends and were taking a last look at the house.

Bert: When you’ve lived in a house for forty years, taking that last step out the doorway, it’s pretty hard.

Lillian: But you look like a fine couple. I’m glad the house is going to you.

Bert and Lillian go on reminiscing about memories they’ve experienced in the house, such as their kid Mikey climbing up the bookshelf and hitting his head on the mantle, their daughter Janie rehearsing her dance for the school play and the spot where Bertie Jr. took his first steps and the spot where the Christmas tree went every year.

Bert: Forty Christmases.

Lillian: Thirty-nine. Well, we didn’t quite make it to Christmas this year.

Bert: I think we’ll miss the Christmases most of all.

As they’re talking you can see Diane listening to them and Sam is just paying attention to his picture.

Bert and Lillian leave, saying they are headed to the bus stop. As they leave you can see the despair on Diane’s face. As Sam lays down on the floor, insisting Diane join him, Diane opens the door and cries, “I cannot live a single day in this house” and runs out the door.

In the next scene, Sam and Diane enter the house again, and it seems Sam has consoled Diane and indicates he has taken his picture down, which Diane appreciates. But Diane insists the place belongs to Bert and Lillian.

Sam tries to make Diane feel better by showing her what they can do to the house. They can knock out a wall and then Diane notices the heights of the children written on the wall.

Diane: Can’t you see this is a record of their lives?

Sam: All I can see here is that little Janie was a moose.

Next all their friends from the bar come in with housewarming gifts. Diane tells them all to leave and that she’ll never live in the house.

Sam tells Diane that all houses have their own ghosts, their own memories and the only way to get over that is to create your own memories. Diane agrees and says she was overreacting. Although when Sam suggests they finish their conversation naked, Diane tells him she could never make love in that house.

So, they try selling the house to another couple. But Diane changes her mind because the couple was “bereft of soul”.

Diane explains she just can’t live there, especially depriving that cute old couple their last Christmas in the house.

Then Frasier suggests they give them one last Christmas. Sam thinks it’s a screwy idea, but Diane loves it. She suggests they throw them a Christmas party. Not at Christmas. Now.

They give Bert and Lillian and all their kids and grandkids one last Christmas in the house. Complete with a decorated tree and Sam dressed as Santa. Of course, it’s springtime so it’s eighty degrees outside and there’s a fire going in the fireplace. And Santa’s feeling kind of warm.

Once Diane gets the family singing carols, Sam pulls Diane aside and says “We did it, they’re singing their carols, we passed out the presents, now can we put out the stupid fire and get the Millers out of here, please?”

Diane: Oh, but Sam, we haven’t roasted the chestnuts.

Sam: Guess again, sweetie.

When Bert announces that this will be the last Christmas for them in the house, the kids start asking about Easter. Then Diane suggests they make getting together for holidays an annual event. But Sam puts his foot down and tells them no and indicates it’s time for everyone to leave.

As the kids complain, Lillian reminds them that Santa is right, although a bit rude, but it is true. They have been imposing. They all leave singing “Frosty the Snowman” and head over to Bert and Lillian’s new condo.

Diane is impressed that Sam “claimed” the house for her by kicking everyone out and the two set off to finally start making their mark in the house. Starting in the dining room. But first the dog painting needs to be removed from the room.

FUN FACT: Bert and Lillian Miller were played by Billie Bird and Douglas Seale, both who “hooked up” at the end of the Christmas film “Ernest Saves Christmas”.

The posting of this episode is in honor of George Wendt who played Norm on the show and sadly passed away in May of this year.

It’s winter break from school but why are all the teachers congregating in the teacher’s lounge?

Janine ran out of toilet paper, Barbara came to get the milk before it expired, Ava’s taking the tree because “did you think I was actually going to buy another tree?” and Melissa seems to just be rummaging through the fridge.

Janine being Janine takes the opportunity to invite everyone to her place on Christmas Eve for cookies and toilet paper. But everyone says they have other plans.

Then Jacob walks in and pretends he’s there for coffee stirrers. But he actually forgot there wasn’t any school. Although he lives with Melissa and she didn’t stop him from leaving the house.

Janine is left to her own plans which consist of her and Gregory’s first Christmas Eve together. Barb and Melissa have “dinner plans”—at Melissa’s house. And Ava is doing whatever Ava does.

So Melissa is making dinner for her family because she feels she needs to prove to them that she can do a real Italian dinner although she isn’t married. And Jacob and his brother are helping with the prep. And her sister and husband show up early. Much to Melissa’s displeasure.

Back at Janine’s, she and Gregory are attempting to bake cookies. As an aside, Janine admits she only made cookies in case anyone shows up. And she’s glad it’s just her and Gregory. She insists that she and Gregory open their gifts. She hands Gregory a gift bag and he asks “Is it an Orioles jersey?” and Janine laughs and says “Even better.”. Gregory looks in the bag, gives his famous look to the camera and says, “I’m not wearing this”. It turns out to be matching green and white pajamas. Can’t blame Gregory for not wanting to wear them.

Back at Melissa’s, the rest of her family has arrived and she’s managing dealing with their comments while getting dinner ready. Especially troublesome is Uncle Archie, which we discover is a bigot when Barb and Gerald arrive and he declares, “Uh, nobody told us this is one of those progressive dinners.” And Melissa asks him if he wants to get strangled. Archie then states he wants to take a nap and Melissa suggests he go upstairs. As he heads upstairs, Melissa apologizes to Barb and Gerald and Barb says, “That’s okay, we have grace for those who are about to meet their maker. Or the other guy.”

Janine is complaining that now they have to watch basketball since she’s making Gregory wear the pajamas. Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door and Janine gets excited, thinking it’s a guest. But it’s just Mr. Johnson dressed as Santa with tidings of joy for Janine and Gregory: socks for her big ass feet and a book for Gregory called “How to Have a Personality”. Then Mr. Johnson announces he’s on his way to the North Pole and leaves.

Then Ava shows up, invites herself in, makes fun of Janine’s tree and decorations and just makes herself at home.

At Melissa’s, Jacob is talking one of Melissa’s relative’s ears off about some board game so the guy tells Jacob to go get it and show it to him. Which excites Jacob and he runs upstairs to retrieve it under the bed where Uncle Archie is sleeping. Melissa’s mom questions her about her boyfriend firefighter and why he isn’t at the party. Melissa explains he isn’t Christmas level yet.

As Jacob searches under the bed for his game, he realizes that Uncle Archie may not just be sleeping.  He yells into Archie’s First Alert about an unresponsive old person. His brother Caleb comes in and between the two of them, they determine that Archie has died. Because Caleb touches his forehead and says, “Bro, he’s super dead.”

They go downstairs to break the news to Melissa, who is extremely busy in the kitchen continuing to make the perfect Italian Christmas Eve dinner. Melissa encourages Jacob not to call 911 until after dinner because as she says, “He’s not going to be any deader after dinner.” She goes on to tell Jacob how she’s been working on the dinner for two weeks and she’s not going to ruin the moment by telling her family Uncle Archie is dead. Barb comes into the kitchen and agrees not to tell anyone. Melissa keeps feeding pesto to Caleb. Jacob has a problem that there is a dead guy in his bed and Barb tells him that it’s not all about him.

Back at Janine’s, Janine asks Ava if she has any family she should be with on Christmas Eve and Ava tells her she doesn’t. Gregory gives a look to the camera because only recently he had his hair cut by her father. And he’s wondering why he isn’t in Ava’s picture. Janine suggests they watch a Christmas movie but Ava insists on a horror flick because she’s had enough Christmas cheer.

At Melissa’s, Jacob is trying to prevent other family members from going upstairs to get their coats which are on the bed where Uncle Archie is.

Janine isn’t having a great time with Ava around and when Ava steps away to use the bathroom, she asks Gregory to ask her to leave. He does confront her about her father, to which Ava becomes defensive, telling Gregory she doesn’t speak to her father.

Back at Melissa’s everyone is raving over the dinner, and Melissa gets emotional when her mother compares it to Nona’s. Jacob wants to call 911 but Melissa insists they must have the cannoli first. One of Melissa’s relatives comes in and sees the cannoli stating, “I know what that is. Schemmenti cannoli. To die for.” To which Jacob can’t help laughing.

Just as the cannoli is getting ready to be served, the doorbell rings and it’s Mr. Johnson with a gift for Melissa: red hair dye. And he reminds Melissa that Jacob needs to pick him up on Sunday to take him sledding. Then he tells her he can’t stay because he’s got to get to the North Pole because Vixen and Dancer are waiting for him. No sooner does he leave but Melissa’s firefighter boyfriend Captain Robinson shows up because they got the 911 alert when Jacob yelled into the First Alert bracelet. Melissa comes clean and tells everyone Archie’s upstairs and he’s dead. Just as Captain Robinson asks where the body is and Jacob points upstairs, here comes Uncle Archie marching down the stairs to everyone’s surprise.

Uncle Archie: What? I never sleep through a cannoli.

At Janine’s, Ava stops Janine and Gregory from arguing by telling Janine about her father and how she asked Gregory not to tell her because she knew she would try her Janine Saves the World thing to fix the relationship. Ava asks if she can stay just a little bit longer and Janine says of course she can, because there’s nothing wrong with being with your work family on Christmas.

Everyone leaves Melissa’s giving her accolades all the way out the door. But Seamus is upstairs in Jacob’s bed and Caleb thinks he is dead. Until we hear Seamus vomit.

Ava presents Janine with a gift of mugs that say “head” and “ass” and Janine gives Ava a pair of pajamas just like the ones she and Gregory are wearing. And you can see Ava is thrilled. The next thing we know, Ava’s leaving because her party bus has arrived. Apparently she was just killing time at Janine’s.

The final scene shows Mr. Johnson at the North Pole: a strip club he enters with a sack full of what appears to be money.

All I care to say about SHITHOLE’S deranged statement regarding the death of Rob and Michele Reiner is that it must eat at his soul to be so jealous. If he even has a soul.

Other than showing the world once again how much of an asshole he is, SHITHOLE’S statement mainly shows how extremely jealous he is of the life Rob Reiner had. He’s jealous as HELL that everybody is talking about Rob and all he accomplished and nobody is paying attention to him.

That’s why SHITHOLE says and does the crazy shit he does (that and the fact that he’s a demented fuck who doesn’t know which way is up). Because when he says and does his crazy shit, it gives him the attention he so desires. Even if it’s negative attention. To him that’s even better because then he can bitch about it. This is how narcissists are. And SHITHOLE is a psychopathic narcissist.

SHITHOLE is jealous of Rob Reiner because SHITHOLE knows when his time comes (hopefully soon) he will not have the same kind of accolades said about him.

But, man, the world is going to party hearty in celebration of his demise!

FUN FACT: “The Office” only had two seasons without a Christmas episode: Season 1 which only had six episodes and Season 4 because of a writer’s strike.

It’s Christmas time at Dunder Mifflin and with Michael Scott in charge of the festivities (because he got a big secret bonus for firing Devin), who knows what’s going to happen?

A tree too big for the office so Kevin lops the top of it off.

Kevin asks “Why did you get it so big?”

To which Michael replies “A. That’s what she said. Uh, B. I wanted it to be impressive. Biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.” Of course.

Jim reveals that for the first time ever he has gotten Pam as Secret Santa and has purchased her a teapot, so she can make tea at her desk. But being a sentimental fool, he is also going to stuff it with some inside jokes: his high school yearbook photo that Pam saw at a party and it made her laugh, a hot sauce packet she had put on a hot dog because she thought it was ketchup and Jim thought it was funny so he kept the other two, an object that looks like a pencil that he says would take too long to explain, so he won’t, and a card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

The Party Planning Committee consists of Angela, Phyllis, Pam and Ryan, who was chosen in case there is a disaster. As they are going over all the plans for the Christmas party, in walks Michael wearing a Santa hat and beard. He lays out a large sum of money and rattles off that he wants this party to be wild: lampshades on the head, making out in the closet and Pam reminds him no liquor is allowed.

Darryl wants to be Santa. To which Michael disagrees. Dwight wants to be an elf. To which Michael agrees because he says he has elfish features.

We learn who the other Secret Santas are: Toby got Angela and got her a poster of babies dressed as adults, because that’s what she’s into. Oscar got Creed and knows nothing about Creed other than his name is Creed, he works over there, he thinks he’s Irish and he got him a shamrock keychain. Kevin got himself for Secret Santa and bought himself a foot bath. Michael brags to Jim that he spent a lot of dough on his gift. Jim reminds him it was a twenty dollar limit. Then he blabs that his Secret Santa is Ryan.

Then the present festivities begin. Oscar is first to open a gift. A shower radio from Kelly. Jim opens an old shirt from Creed, which Creed has probably just ripped off his back and stuffed in a plastic bag. Next is Pam who loves the teapot. Jim tells her there’s a little more to it but before she can open it, Dwight tosses Ryan his gift. Which is an iPod. From Michael. Ryan questions the twenty dollar limit and notes that the price tag left on the iPod says $400. Next Michael discovers that he was Phyllis’s Secret Santa. And she took the time to knit him an oven mitt. This is where the Secret Santa part suddenly takes a turn.

Michael is obviously pissed about getting an oven mitt so he decides on a whim to turn the Secret Santa into a Yankee Swap. Jim is unclear what a Yankee Swap is and when he learns what it’s all about, you can see he knows where this is going. Nobody is happy about it.

Meredith starts the swap and although Michael tries to pawn off his oven mitt, she chooses the teapot. Much to Jim’s displeasure. Pam takes the iPod, although Michael offers her the oven mitt. Ryan is then told that he can take either the oven mitt, the old shirt, shower radio or pick another gift. Which is what he does to reveal a sign that reads “Kelly.” Which Stanley bought for Kelly. Kelly opens Angela’s poster and declares “Yikes!” On Angela’s turn, Michael still tries to get rid of the oven mitt and she decides she wants the poster. Kelly takes the iPod. Michael realizes everyone wants the iPod. Next Oscar takes the teapot. Which pisses off Meredith. So now it’s her turn and she wants the iPod. But Dwight stops her, saying it’s already been stolen this round. Michael is still trying to pawn off the oven mitt by saying “Someone really put a lot of work into that. It’s beautiful.” Meredith falls for it and takes the oven mitt and Michael yells “Sucker!” But the real sucker ends up being Michael who opens paint ball pellets and two paint ball lessons from Dwight. Dwight is beside himself with pleasure that Michael has chosen his gift. Michael turns to Dwight and asks “Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod?”

The last gift is for Kevin. Which is his foot bath. That he bought for himself. Kevin says, “I’m really psyched to use it. Maybe I should have taken the iPod.”

Pam’s turn. She goes for the iPod, much to Jim’s surprise and makes him ask, “Sure you don’t want the teapot?” Kelly takes a book of short stories and Dwight ends up with the teapot, to which Jim mumbles under his breath, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Dwight declares, “Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets…Christmas.”

Phyllis leaves and is clearly pissed. Michael reveals to everyone that he got a big bonus because he fired Devin and that pisses everyone else off, especially when he stupidly reveals how much the bonus was.

The next scene we see Michael at the liquor store buying 15 bottles of vodka. Kevin is using his foot bath. Jim explains to Dwight that he bought the teapot for Pam and that she really wants it. So he tries to trade him for it to which Dwight declines. Of course it’s a shamrock keychain he’s trying to trade, so… Jim is further turned off when Dwight indicates he’s going to use it for his sinus infections.

Pam shows Roy, her boyfriend, the iPod and he admits that he was going to get her one for Christmas and now he doesn’t have to. She asks him what he’s going to get her and he says he doesn’t know, maybe a sweater.

Phyllis returns with Bob Vance, her boyfriend who owns Vance Refrigeration. As Roy and Darryl are talking football in the kitchen area, Pam notices Dwight with the teapot through the window. You can see the pain on her face of giving up the teapot for the iPod.

Jim approaches Pam who is sitting at her desk and he says, “You know you don’t have to answer calls during a party” to which Pam replies, “No, I was just checking out my present.” And reveals the teapot. She explains she traded with Dwight and she knows Jim went through a lot of trouble and that means a lot. Jim then explains to her that the teapot comes with bonus gifts and tells her to look inside. As Pam is going through the items inside, Jim discreetly takes back the card and puts it in his pocket.

Asshole Packer shows up, Michael finally lets Darryl wear the Santa hat, Packer passes out, Kelly kisses Dwight, which pisses off Angela who ends up outside breaking ornaments.

In the end, everyone leaves to go to Poor Richard’s and before Michael can leave, Meredith flashes him. But she’s so drunk she probably doesn’t realize it.

The episode opens with Winston, Schmidt and Nick wearing the gifts Jess bought them: roller skates. Then Jess rushes in and tells everyone they need to come with her to the mall because she needs to buy her new boyfriend, Paul, a great Christmas gift. And she has no idea what to get him. On top of that, everyone is planning their Christmas get away, with Nick once again needing to catch a 4:00 a.m. flight.

Schmidt has invited everyone to his company Christmas party where once again,he is going to be playing Santa. Because he’s the only guy in the office.

Following their trip to the mall, where Schmidt tries to convince Winston to get a job at his office, Jess takes everyone for a drive down Candy Cane Lane, a street she is fascinated with because in the evening, the whole block lights up. Jess tells them they have to come back later but Nick tells her there won’t be time because of his flight and how he’s missed it four years in a row and if he misses it this year, his mother’s going to kill him.

Schmidt gifts CeCe a bottle of perfume that he had made especially for her: base notes of cocoa because of her brown-ness, sea salt because it kind of sounds like CeCe and sandalwood, always up to no good.

Paul and Jess exchange gifts. He gives her tickets to Vienna and passes to the Salzburg Music Festival. She gives him an anatomically correct beating heart. Of a 50-year-old non-smoker. Paul says he loves it. Then he says he loves Jess. But Jess doesn’t know what to say. So she thanks him.

At the party, the group runs into CeCe who is wearing the mustache Jess gave her as a present. Meanwhile, Schmidt is “Dirty Santa”, perched on a throne wearing nothing but a hat and velvet red shorts, shirtless.

Jess is still bothered by Paul telling her he loves her and all she could say was “thank you”. She tells this to Nick, as he sees something is bothering her. Nick tells her if she doesn’t have feelings for Paul she needs to tell him. She says, “I can’t do that to someone on Christmas.” But Nick encourages her to tell him.

CeCe and Jess run into each other in the restroom while Nick confronts Paul who is outside. Of course, Nick thinks Jess has already told him how she feels. But she hasn’t. Which takes Paul by surprise as he tells Nick all he and Jess have discussed is getting Nick to the airport on time for his flight.

Jess leaves the bathroom, and CeCe tries the perfume Schmidt gave her, making the realization that it stinks.

Winston is contemplating a job at Schmidt’s office, talking to nobody but a young boy by the name of Elvin who is there with his mother. Winston asks him what his deal is, and Elvin blurts, “Mommy won’t let me sit on Santa’s lap” To which Winston replies, “You have a smart mommy.”

Schmidt is approached by his woman boss Kim who asks him what he’s doing, as he’s trying to get up.

Schmidt: I have a bad case of Santa’s lap. The entire marketing department is wearing wool. It’s not good down there.

His boss tells him to get back to work soon and slaps his Santa hat.

CeCe approaches him and asks if he likes to be treated like that and he admits that he doesn’t. She tells him he doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.

Nick and Paul are still talking and then Jess comes out. But Nick is still out there and cannot get back inside because the door is locked. So, he’s forced to listen in on Jess and Paul’s conversation. And his mother calls to make sure he’s coming.

Nick: I can’t talk right now. I’m in a real weird situation. No, Ma, I’m not high—I’m done with that phase. I promise you I won’t miss my flight.

Meanwhile, Schmidt confronts his boss. He tells her he’s not going to be Sexy Santa anymore. Then he tells him he killed Santa, just as Elvin, the kid that Winston was talking to, walks in. And screams at the fact that Schmidt has killed Santa.

Next, we see Winston talking to Nick’s mother on the phone, assuring her they will get Nick to the airport on time. And Elvin’s mother is looking for him because he’s run off after hearing Santa’s dead.

As Paul and Jess officially break up, Winston opens the door to the outside, in search of Elvin, and finally freeing Nick, who runs off. Winston ends up finding Elvin hiding in an inflatable igloo outside. Elvin’s mother gives him her business card and asks if he ever wants to babysit Elvin, he’s all his. Elvin is under the impression Winston’s name is Lebron. Mrs. Miller calls Winston again and Winston tells her they are on their way to the airport.

The five of them are now in the car. Nick is driving. Jess is in the passenger seat, feeling dejected from her breakup with Paul. Nick takes a side turn and the next thing they know, they are on Candy Cane Lane. But all the lights are off because it’s late.

Nick starts banging on doors, yelling to everyone to turn on their lights. The others join in yelling “Turn on your lights!”. As the lights sporadically come on, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” by She and Him plays in the background. Because what better way for Jess to enjoy her lights than to have her singing while doing so. And Nick’s mother calls him again. Unfortunately, he is going to miss his flight. And he passes his phone to Winston.