Carl Winslow is not feeling the Christmas mood. He comes in from work complaining of a con at the police station who goes from city to city, telling the same sob story of having no job and lots of kids, taking advantage of sympathy. Which he has done to Carl. Because Carl “passed the hat” at work to help this guy and the con ended up spending the money on cheap wine and hookers. What a way to diminish someone’s Christmas spirit!

To make his spirit even worse, Carl enters the kitchen to discover neighbor Steve Urkel wrapping gifts. Why Urkel is in the Winslow kitchen wrapping gifts and not his own kitchen, who knows. But you know chaos is about to unfold.

Carl tells Urkel he is there to wrap a crystal music box he bought for Harriet and he sits down at the table to start wrapping. Carl proceeds to rip off a piece of wrapping paper and haphazardly and hysterically wraps the music box as Urkel looks on in disdain.

Urkel: I see you emphasize speed over appearance

Carl: Gifts are like people. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

Urkel: No, gifts are like fish. Wrap them badly and they stink.

Then Urkel offers to re-wrap the music box for Carl but he is told to be very, very careful. As Urkel prepares to wrap the music box, Carl comments on how well Urkel wraps and inadvertently moves a very heavy gift of a dumbbell, which conveniently falls out of the box when Carl moves it. And lands on the music box. Amazingly, this is not directly Urkel’s fault. No, he didn’t do that! Carl did!

Urkel: You wanna go shopping, big guy?

To which all Carl can do is nod.

In shock, Steve leads Carl out and comments that they need to take the train because it’s snowing.

So it’s Christmas Eve and Steve and Carl are on a subway train in the snow with what looks like a slew of unhappy passengers. Which Urkel discovers when he wishes everyone a Merry Christmas.

And this is after they’ve endured the mall where Carl reminds Urkel of the excruciatingly long lines, rude salespeople and the kid that up chucked in his shopping bag. No sooner does Carl blurt that it’s the worst Christmas of his life, the power on the train goes out.

The passengers are told they should be back up and rolling in just a few hours. That doesn’t stop Urkel from trying to rile up everyone to play games. A man approaches Urkel and says “You see this tree? If you don’t shut up, you’re going to be the angel on top”. Next Urkel mistakens an obese woman for being pregnant. “You know, I could break you in half”, she tells Urkel. Ooops. He did that.

Urkel next encourages a sing-along, to many groans and complaints. He suggests they sing “The Twelve Days of Christmas” and someone throws something and hits Carl in the head. Steve goes around assigning days to everyone but has difficulty getting anyone to participate. As he continues singing, another item goes flying through the air and again hits Carl.

Meanwhile, back at the Winslow house Grandma is reading the Christmas story from the Bible to the family as everyone is anxiously waiting for Carl to return. And they realize Steve is with him.

Back on the train, Urkel is still singing and the only person contributing is a half-sleeping guy in a trench coat and hat who sings the “five golden rings” part. Next Steve encourages everyone to tell the guy dressed as Santa on the train what they want for Christmas. To which the obese but not pregnant woman replies “I’ve got a better idea. Let’s all take turns pounding your face with whatever objects we happen to bring with us.”

The tree guy approaches Carl and warns him that since he brought Urkel on the train it’s his responsibility to make him shut up. Carl asks Steve why he always does stuff like this. And Steve replies “I just wanted to make everyone feel better”. Carl reminds him that he hasn’t. Which makes Steve feel bad as he sits down and is finally quiet.

You can tell this makes Carl feel bad as he turns to Steve and asks him if he is okay.

Urkel: Carl, it’s Christmas Eve. And everybody’s supposed to be happy. But instead, everybody’s mad at everybody else..

Urkel then stands up and says “Listen, folks,”, to which everyone grumbles. “I know, I know, I know. You’re all tired and hungry and you want to be at home spending Christmas Eve with your families. But does sitting here feeling grumpy make you feel any better? Well, I think not.”

He then approaches various passengers and asks them about their gifts and who they are for. He points out the ring on the obese-not-pregnant woman’s hand and she offers that the ring belonged to Roger’s mother and Urkel asks if this is her first Christmas with Roger and she says “yes” and then he adds, “Will you ever forget it?” And she replies, “No. Never.”

Steve goes on to state that “Christmas isn’t a place… it’s a feeling. It’s the love and warmth of friends and family. It’s a feeling we get in our hearts this time of year and we take that feeling with us wherever we go. Why Christmas can even be here, on this cold, dark train.”

He then grabs the Christmas tree and starts decorating it, followed by offerings from the other passengers. Suddenly the lights on the train come back on and they start moving again. Miraculously, the passenger’s spirits have improved as Carl leads them in a sing-along of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”.

Carl finally arrives home much to his family’s delight. Carl has invited Steve to spend the night because he has reminded him of what Christmas is all about. The episode ends with everyone, including Steve, embracing in a group hug.

This episode, which aired fifty years ago today, starts off with Lamont getting on Fred about doing inventory to which Fred pretty much ignores him. Then Lamont says he’ll finish decorating the tree when he returns, to which Fred tells him to forget about because “we ain’t got no money to spend on that foolishness”.

Just before Lamont leaves, Aunt Esther shows up with gifts for Lamont and Fred. After some rude banter back and forth between Esther and Fred, Esther follows Lamont out the door.

Then Fred is visited by a young neighbor named Ronnie Small who is there to talk to Fred about a job. He’s trying to earn ten dollars to buy a Christmas gift for his parents. Ronnie says he’ll do anything which is intriguing to Fred. So Fred puts him to work.

Lamont and his friend Rollo show up and Lamont questions Fred about Ronnie and what he’s doing at the house. Fred explains that he’s paying him to do the inventory and paint the house. Lamont gets angry because he feels he’s ripping off the kid. Rollo presents Fred with a gift but Fred refuses it. As Fred says “I don’t want his present and he don’t need his past and nobody wants to see him in the future.”

Lamont keeps referring to Fred as Scrooge which of course leads us into the next segment of the episode when Fred falls asleep. And dreams he is greeted by Lamont dressed as the Spirit of Christmas Past.

The Spirit takes Fred back to his past, to the house where he grew up in St. Louis where Fred sees his mother and his younger self. When Fred becomes overwhelmed with sadness (and probably guilt from admitting to The Spirit that he spent the rest of his mother’s money on candy), the Spirit returns him to his home. Only for Fred to be greeted by another Spirit. The Spirit of Christmas Present.

He takes them to a party where Aunt Esther, Donna, Rollo, Bubba and others are. Esther admits she didn’t invite Fred because he doesn’t have the Christmas spirit and states that Lamont didn’t want to go because he didn’t want to embarrass his father. When Esther toasts Fred, Fred gets upset, stating “don’t be nice to me” and he begs the spirit to take him home.

Next we see Lamont standing before Fred dressed as an astronaut. When Fred sees him he asks, “Who are you? The Spirit of Liberace?” Of course he is the Spirit of Christmas Future. And he shows Fred what his future could be like: living all alone, with no son and no friends. Not because he doesn’t have deodorant. But because he has no Christmas spirit. Fred become visibly upset again and demands they leave, saying about his future self “I don’t like him”.

Back at his house he is awakened by Ronnie who seems concerned for his welfare. Fred gives Ronnie twenty dollars and when Ronnie reminds him it was only supposed to be ten, Fred says “where’s your Christmas spirit?”

The scene then shifts to Lamont and Fred celebrating Christmas with a decorated tree and music playing. Ronnie and his family show up and Lamont suddenly learns why Fred told him that Lamont wouldn’t be getting any of his gifts until his birthday in February. Because Fred gave them all to the Small family. And although the gifts were all monogramed with Lamont’s initials, it all worked out because Fred told them that the letters LS were his philosophy: LOVE SOMEBODY.

Forty-nine years ago to the day this episode aired. How about that? Time flies!

Rog and Dee Thomas are preparing to spend another Christmas Eve and Christmas alone because they are two big party days and their mother, Mabel, has to work. As Rog tells his two friends Rerun and Dwayne, they are used to it, because they spend every Christmas Eve and Christmas day alone. Dwayne invites them over to his house to celebrate with his family but Dee points out “we got our own house and our own folks.”

Then Rog and Dee’s father Bill shows up with gifts. As Rerun and Dwayne prepare to leave, they again invite Rog and Dee to their homes for Christmas but Rog refuses. Bill hears the conversation and realizes his two kids will be home alone on Christmas. Their father insists aggressively that they join him at his place for Christmas. But Dee doesn’t want anything to do with him. And after the way he yelled at both Dee and Rog, who can blame Dee for saying “I hate him”.

Dee goes to Rog’s room and says she can’t sleep because she’s scared of her father. Rog makes her feel better about saying she hates her father.

Mabel comes home from work while the kids are asleep and discovers Bill has left her a gift of perfume. Rog then appears in the living room and Mabel tells him she has a surprise for him. Before she can tell him about her surprise, Rog springs Bill’s invite to them on her. And by the look of disappointment on Mabel’s face as she turns away from Rog, you know that her surprise was that SHE was going to be home on Christmas. Which we later learn when she calls her boss to ask if she is needed the next day. But she is told she isn’t needed. And all she probably wants to be at this point is needed by her children on Christmas.

Christmas morning Mabel, Rog and Dee exchange gifts. As Dee is handed a gift she asks in her snarky voice, “Is it something I want or something I need?”. Mabel replies, “What’s the difference?” to which Dee answers, “Well, I feel like being surprised by something I really want.” Mabel: “And what’s wrong with being surprised with something you really need?” Dee: “Nobody’s ever surprised by something they really need. So if this is something I need instead of something I really want, maybe you can exchange it before I open it.” She opens the gift to reveal a beautiful doll which she discovers is from Rog.

Rerun and Dwayne come over with food for Rog and Dee when Bill arrives to pick up Rog and Dee. When they arrive at Bill’s, they discover that Bill’s girlfriend Loretta has a cold and has burned the turkey. Rog suggests they go back to their house to get all the food that ReRun, Dwayne and and their mother have already prepared. When they get there they discover the door is unlocked. Thinking there is a burglar, Bill goes to investigate and gets the door slammed in his face by Mabel.

The group is then seen sitting down peacefully to dinner. And in a final moment, Dee states, “I want to thank everyone for my Christmas presents…but next year there better be a bike.”

FUN FACT: Mabel King, who plays Mabel “Mama” Thomas, was born on Christmas day in 1932.

The posting review of this episode is dedicated to the memory of Danielle Spencer who sadly passed away in August of this year. May the memory of her playing the character of Dee Thomas and her work as a veterinarian live on.

“There’s a plague! It’s an epidemic! It’s called Christmas!”

This is Mork’s first impression of Christmas on Earth. And he’s not far off. And he thinks everyone wants to beat up Monty Hall and his family because they’re yelling “Deck the halls! Deck the halls!”.

Mork is in such a panic and thinks the whole town is under martial law because “there’s a little fat dude in a red suit on every corner and he’s called SANTA CLAUS! And people are really sick because they’re putting plastic babies on everybody’s lawn covered in straw.” Even Mindy can’t help but laugh at his hysterics. Of course, she explains that what he’s seeing is just a part of the Christmas holiday and even mentions how the holiday is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and Mork replies “Oh, is that the guy with the glasses that runs Boulder stereo?”.

Then Mindy’s friend Susan (played by Morgan Fairchild) stops by who just invites herself in and starts discussing Christmas. She mentions how she’s going to be all alone on Christmas because her rich married boyfriend Patrick will be spending it with his wife. Mork goes to inadvertently invite her to Christmas and Mindy stops him, reminding him that they were going to spend Christmas with her father and grandmother. And that Susan is so “ugh” and “inflated”. But Mork convinces Mindy with his puppy-dognishness and then invites her by saying “Susan, even though you’re ‘ugh’ and ‘inflated’, would you like to spend Christmas over here?” Of course she would.

Mork’s main munchkin Eugene comes by with a Christmas tree and explains to Mork what Christmas is all about, decorating the tree, eating turkey and gifts. Susan stops in with a Gucci angel for the top of the tree and Mork sets it free yelling “Fly little friend, be free!” and sends it crashing to the floor. Once Susan leaves saying “Ciao” to which Mork replies “Pekingese”, Eugene explains further about gifts, indicating that it’s not the getting that’s great, but the giving. So he and Mork go shopping. Which with only twelve dollars to his name, doesn’t go well for Mork. Then Mork suggests he make gifts, which he thinks is illegal but Eugene encourages him and tells him making gifts is fine. Mork mentally makes a list, indicating he needs to get lots of gum.

It’s Christmas Eve and Susan arrives. She mentions the gift her married boyfriend has given her, which she hasn’t even opened, but knows it’s a picture of himself. She knows this because a picture of herself is what she is giving everyone. Mork, disappointed that Mindy keeps trying to stop him from opening his gifts until the following morning, retires to the attic for the night.

The next morning Mindy’s father Fred and grandmother arrive. Mork presents everyone with the gifts he has made: a rug (a literal rug remnant) for Fred because as Mork says “You said you’ve always wanted a rug. Try it on”, a portrait of Liberace made out of old bubble gum for grandma, a bracelet made from dead flies found in the attic for Mindy and the only gift he bought, because Susan had said she wanted something returnable, a saucer because Mindy had said Susan would only appreciate something shallow. Then Mork indicates he has gotten something for the entire house and goes up to the attic to retrieve it. While he’s gone, everyone ponders over their gifts from him except Susan, who has opened her gift from Patrick to discover it’s not a picture of himself, but instead a $1,000 bill. Suddenly Susan needs to leave because now she realizes she has to give Patrick something better than a picture of herself. As she leaves, she turns to everyone and, still thinking Mork is out of earshot, declares about her $1,000 bill “This is what Christmas is all about. Not those stupid presents Mork made for us.” But Mork overhears everything and is left feeling bad about his gifts.

In the end, Mork gives everyone the best gift of all. A thought. Because it’s not the gift, it’s the thought that counts. He gives Mindy the thought of a dog she had when she was a little girl, grandma has the thought of her husband and her first Christmas with him and for Fred, the memory of holding his daughter for the first time.

Robin Williams was and always will be a comedic master and his acting debut as Mork still proves that to this day. I hadn’t seen this episode in a very long time and it was so much fun to revisit. May his memory live with us forever.

As with most Modern Family episodes, this one is filled with many funny individual stories, yet they’re all tied together.

Will Phil reach his resolution to walk to Canada on the elliptical machine he received as a Christmas gift the previous year or will the machine be banished to the garage, much to Luke’s chagrin, as he has been hiding the recyclables in the garage for months because he forgets to bring them out to be collected.

Can Gloria and her mother survive the holiday together or will Claire take Gloria’s place in the kitchen with her mother, whom Claire is liking more and more because at least Gloria’s mother doesn’t keep giving her slippers every year for Christmas like DeeDee does.

Jay and Manny take on the task of cutting down a Christmas tree, just like Jay and his father used to do. Minus the cigar and cigarette.

Haley and Alex risk their lives working at the mall as an elf and Mrs. Claus because Santa has gone AWOL and the crowd of kids is getting antsy.

Lily, who only wants a toy called a puppy pound for Christmas, misspelled it on her list and Cam blames Mitchell for not figuring it out. So while Mitchell has to go to the mall in search of the toy, Cam and Lily attend a charity event fundraiser for the needy which, unbeknownst to Cam, is actually not a fundraiser but is FOR the needy.

Cam: “I thought it was a charity event for the needy. Turns out it was a charity event FOR the needy!”

And Lily ends up getting a puppy pound toy from Santa.

Just as Mitchell appears fresh from the mall with gifts for Pepper’s party, Lily gives her puppy pound away to a boy who didn’t receive anything from Santa but wanted a puppy pound.

In the end, Claire and Gloria make up, Jay and Manny get their tree, Haley and Alex survive, Phil makes it to Canada and then goes to the mall to get a puppy pound for Lily and Luke owes six weeks allowance for not taking care of the recycling.

Always a good time with the Pritchett-Dunphy clan.