All I care to say about SHITHOLE’S deranged statement regarding the death of Rob and Michele Reiner is that it must eat at his soul to be so jealous. If he even has a soul.

Other than showing the world once again how much of an asshole he is, SHITHOLE’S statement mainly shows how extremely jealous he is of the life Rob Reiner had. He’s jealous as HELL that everybody is talking about Rob and all he accomplished and nobody is paying attention to him.

That’s why SHITHOLE says and does the crazy shit he does (that and the fact that he’s a demented fuck who doesn’t know which way is up). Because when he says and does his crazy shit, it gives him the attention he so desires. Even if it’s negative attention. To him that’s even better because then he can bitch about it. This is how narcissists are. And SHITHOLE is a psychopathic narcissist.

SHITHOLE is jealous of Rob Reiner because SHITHOLE knows when his time comes (hopefully soon) he will not have the same kind of accolades said about him.

But, man, the world is going to party hearty in celebration of his demise!

FUN FACT: “The Office” only had two seasons without a Christmas episode: Season 1 which only had six episodes and Season 4 because of a writer’s strike.

It’s Christmas time at Dunder Mifflin and with Michael Scott in charge of the festivities (because he got a big secret bonus for firing Devin), who knows what’s going to happen?

A tree too big for the office so Kevin lops the top of it off.

Kevin asks “Why did you get it so big?”

To which Michael replies “A. That’s what she said. Uh, B. I wanted it to be impressive. Biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.” Of course.

Jim reveals that for the first time ever he has gotten Pam as Secret Santa and has purchased her a teapot, so she can make tea at her desk. But being a sentimental fool, he is also going to stuff it with some inside jokes: his high school yearbook photo that Pam saw at a party and it made her laugh, a hot sauce packet she had put on a hot dog because she thought it was ketchup and Jim thought it was funny so he kept the other two, an object that looks like a pencil that he says would take too long to explain, so he won’t, and a card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

The Party Planning Committee consists of Angela, Phyllis, Pam and Ryan, who was chosen in case there is a disaster. As they are going over all the plans for the Christmas party, in walks Michael wearing a Santa hat and beard. He lays out a large sum of money and rattles off that he wants this party to be wild: lampshades on the head, making out in the closet and Pam reminds him no liquor is allowed.

Darryl wants to be Santa. To which Michael disagrees. Dwight wants to be an elf. To which Michael agrees because he says he has elfish features.

We learn who the other Secret Santas are: Toby got Angela and got her a poster of babies dressed as adults, because that’s what she’s into. Oscar got Creed and knows nothing about Creed other than his name is Creed, he works over there, he thinks he’s Irish and he got him a shamrock keychain. Kevin got himself for Secret Santa and bought himself a foot bath. Michael brags to Jim that he spent a lot of dough on his gift. Jim reminds him it was a twenty dollar limit. Then he blabs that his Secret Santa is Ryan.

Then the present festivities begin. Oscar is first to open a gift. A shower radio from Kelly. Jim opens an old shirt from Creed, which Creed has probably just ripped off his back and stuffed in a plastic bag. Next is Pam who loves the teapot. Jim tells her there’s a little more to it but before she can open it, Dwight tosses Ryan his gift. Which is an iPod. From Michael. Ryan questions the twenty dollar limit and notes that the price tag left on the iPod says $400. Next Michael discovers that he was Phyllis’s Secret Santa. And she took the time to knit him an oven mitt. This is where the Secret Santa part suddenly takes a turn.

Michael is obviously pissed about getting an oven mitt so he decides on a whim to turn the Secret Santa into a Yankee Swap. Jim is unclear what a Yankee Swap is and when he learns what it’s all about, you can see he knows where this is going. Nobody is happy about it.

Meredith starts the swap and although Michael tries to pawn off his oven mitt, she chooses the teapot. Much to Jim’s displeasure. Pam takes the iPod, although Michael offers her the oven mitt. Ryan is then told that he can take either the oven mitt, the old shirt, shower radio or pick another gift. Which is what he does to reveal a sign that reads “Kelly.” Which Stanley bought for Kelly. Kelly opens Angela’s poster and declares “Yikes!” On Angela’s turn, Michael still tries to get rid of the oven mitt and she decides she wants the poster. Kelly takes the iPod. Michael realizes everyone wants the iPod. Next Oscar takes the teapot. Which pisses off Meredith. So now it’s her turn and she wants the iPod. But Dwight stops her, saying it’s already been stolen this round. Michael is still trying to pawn off the oven mitt by saying “Someone really put a lot of work into that. It’s beautiful.” Meredith falls for it and takes the oven mitt and Michael yells “Sucker!” But the real sucker ends up being Michael who opens paint ball pellets and two paint ball lessons from Dwight. Dwight is beside himself with pleasure that Michael has chosen his gift. Michael turns to Dwight and asks “Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod?”

The last gift is for Kevin. Which is his foot bath. That he bought for himself. Kevin says, “I’m really psyched to use it. Maybe I should have taken the iPod.”

Pam’s turn. She goes for the iPod, much to Jim’s surprise and makes him ask, “Sure you don’t want the teapot?” Kelly takes a book of short stories and Dwight ends up with the teapot, to which Jim mumbles under his breath, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Dwight declares, “Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets…Christmas.”

Phyllis leaves and is clearly pissed. Michael reveals to everyone that he got a big bonus because he fired Devin and that pisses everyone else off, especially when he stupidly reveals how much the bonus was.

The next scene we see Michael at the liquor store buying 15 bottles of vodka. Kevin is using his foot bath. Jim explains to Dwight that he bought the teapot for Pam and that she really wants it. So he tries to trade him for it to which Dwight declines. Of course it’s a shamrock keychain he’s trying to trade, so… Jim is further turned off when Dwight indicates he’s going to use it for his sinus infections.

Pam shows Roy, her boyfriend, the iPod and he admits that he was going to get her one for Christmas and now he doesn’t have to. She asks him what he’s going to get her and he says he doesn’t know, maybe a sweater.

Phyllis returns with Bob Vance, her boyfriend who owns Vance Refrigeration. As Roy and Darryl are talking football in the kitchen area, Pam notices Dwight with the teapot through the window. You can see the pain on her face of giving up the teapot for the iPod.

Jim approaches Pam who is sitting at her desk and he says, “You know you don’t have to answer calls during a party” to which Pam replies, “No, I was just checking out my present.” And reveals the teapot. She explains she traded with Dwight and she knows Jim went through a lot of trouble and that means a lot. Jim then explains to her that the teapot comes with bonus gifts and tells her to look inside. As Pam is going through the items inside, Jim discreetly takes back the card and puts it in his pocket.

Asshole Packer shows up, Michael finally lets Darryl wear the Santa hat, Packer passes out, Kelly kisses Dwight, which pisses off Angela who ends up outside breaking ornaments.

In the end, everyone leaves to go to Poor Richard’s and before Michael can leave, Meredith flashes him. But she’s so drunk she probably doesn’t realize it.

The episode opens with Winston, Schmidt and Nick wearing the gifts Jess bought them: roller skates. Then Jess rushes in and tells everyone they need to come with her to the mall because she needs to buy her new boyfriend, Paul, a great Christmas gift. And she has no idea what to get him. On top of that, everyone is planning their Christmas get away, with Nick once again needing to catch a 4:00 a.m. flight.

Schmidt has invited everyone to his company Christmas party where once again,he is going to be playing Santa. Because he’s the only guy in the office.

Following their trip to the mall, where Schmidt tries to convince Winston to get a job at his office, Jess takes everyone for a drive down Candy Cane Lane, a street she is fascinated with because in the evening, the whole block lights up. Jess tells them they have to come back later but Nick tells her there won’t be time because of his flight and how he’s missed it four years in a row and if he misses it this year, his mother’s going to kill him.

Schmidt gifts CeCe a bottle of perfume that he had made especially for her: base notes of cocoa because of her brown-ness, sea salt because it kind of sounds like CeCe and sandalwood, always up to no good.

Paul and Jess exchange gifts. He gives her tickets to Vienna and passes to the Salzburg Music Festival. She gives him an anatomically correct beating heart. Of a 50-year-old non-smoker. Paul says he loves it. Then he says he loves Jess. But Jess doesn’t know what to say. So she thanks him.

At the party, the group runs into CeCe who is wearing the mustache Jess gave her as a present. Meanwhile, Schmidt is “Dirty Santa”, perched on a throne wearing nothing but a hat and velvet red shorts, shirtless.

Jess is still bothered by Paul telling her he loves her and all she could say was “thank you”. She tells this to Nick, as he sees something is bothering her. Nick tells her if she doesn’t have feelings for Paul she needs to tell him. She says, “I can’t do that to someone on Christmas.” But Nick encourages her to tell him.

CeCe and Jess run into each other in the restroom while Nick confronts Paul who is outside. Of course, Nick thinks Jess has already told him how she feels. But she hasn’t. Which takes Paul by surprise as he tells Nick all he and Jess have discussed is getting Nick to the airport on time for his flight.

Jess leaves the bathroom, and CeCe tries the perfume Schmidt gave her, making the realization that it stinks.

Winston is contemplating a job at Schmidt’s office, talking to nobody but a young boy by the name of Elvin who is there with his mother. Winston asks him what his deal is, and Elvin blurts, “Mommy won’t let me sit on Santa’s lap” To which Winston replies, “You have a smart mommy.”

Schmidt is approached by his woman boss Kim who asks him what he’s doing, as he’s trying to get up.

Schmidt: I have a bad case of Santa’s lap. The entire marketing department is wearing wool. It’s not good down there.

His boss tells him to get back to work soon and slaps his Santa hat.

CeCe approaches him and asks if he likes to be treated like that and he admits that he doesn’t. She tells him he doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.

Nick and Paul are still talking and then Jess comes out. But Nick is still out there and cannot get back inside because the door is locked. So, he’s forced to listen in on Jess and Paul’s conversation. And his mother calls to make sure he’s coming.

Nick: I can’t talk right now. I’m in a real weird situation. No, Ma, I’m not high—I’m done with that phase. I promise you I won’t miss my flight.

Meanwhile, Schmidt confronts his boss. He tells her he’s not going to be Sexy Santa anymore. Then he tells him he killed Santa, just as Elvin, the kid that Winston was talking to, walks in. And screams at the fact that Schmidt has killed Santa.

Next, we see Winston talking to Nick’s mother on the phone, assuring her they will get Nick to the airport on time. And Elvin’s mother is looking for him because he’s run off after hearing Santa’s dead.

As Paul and Jess officially break up, Winston opens the door to the outside, in search of Elvin, and finally freeing Nick, who runs off. Winston ends up finding Elvin hiding in an inflatable igloo outside. Elvin’s mother gives him her business card and asks if he ever wants to babysit Elvin, he’s all his. Elvin is under the impression Winston’s name is Lebron. Mrs. Miller calls Winston again and Winston tells her they are on their way to the airport.

The five of them are now in the car. Nick is driving. Jess is in the passenger seat, feeling dejected from her breakup with Paul. Nick takes a side turn and the next thing they know, they are on Candy Cane Lane. But all the lights are off because it’s late.

Nick starts banging on doors, yelling to everyone to turn on their lights. The others join in yelling “Turn on your lights!”. As the lights sporadically come on, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” by She and Him plays in the background. Because what better way for Jess to enjoy her lights than to have her singing while doing so. And Nick’s mother calls him again. Unfortunately, he is going to miss his flight. And he passes his phone to Winston.

Carl Winslow is not feeling the Christmas mood. He comes in from work complaining of a con at the police station who goes from city to city, telling the same sob story of having no job and lots of kids, taking advantage of sympathy. Which he has done to Carl. Because Carl “passed the hat” at work to help this guy and the con ended up spending the money on cheap wine and hookers. What a way to diminish someone’s Christmas spirit!

To make his spirit even worse, Carl enters the kitchen to discover neighbor Steve Urkel wrapping gifts. Why Urkel is in the Winslow kitchen wrapping gifts and not his own kitchen, who knows. But you know chaos is about to unfold.

Carl tells Urkel he is there to wrap a crystal music box he bought for Harriet and he sits down at the table to start wrapping. Carl proceeds to rip off a piece of wrapping paper and haphazardly and hysterically wraps the music box as Urkel looks on in disdain.

Urkel: I see you emphasize speed over appearance

Carl: Gifts are like people. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

Urkel: No, gifts are like fish. Wrap them badly and they stink.

Then Urkel offers to re-wrap the music box for Carl but he is told to be very, very careful. As Urkel prepares to wrap the music box, Carl comments on how well Urkel wraps and inadvertently moves a very heavy gift of a dumbbell, which conveniently falls out of the box when Carl moves it. And lands on the music box. Amazingly, this is not directly Urkel’s fault. No, he didn’t do that! Carl did!

Urkel: You wanna go shopping, big guy?

To which all Carl can do is nod.

In shock, Steve leads Carl out and comments that they need to take the train because it’s snowing.

So it’s Christmas Eve and Steve and Carl are on a subway train in the snow with what looks like a slew of unhappy passengers. Which Urkel discovers when he wishes everyone a Merry Christmas.

And this is after they’ve endured the mall where Carl reminds Urkel of the excruciatingly long lines, rude salespeople and the kid that up chucked in his shopping bag. No sooner does Carl blurt that it’s the worst Christmas of his life, the power on the train goes out.

The passengers are told they should be back up and rolling in just a few hours. That doesn’t stop Urkel from trying to rile up everyone to play games. A man approaches Urkel and says “You see this tree? If you don’t shut up, you’re going to be the angel on top”. Next Urkel mistakens an obese woman for being pregnant. “You know, I could break you in half”, she tells Urkel. Ooops. He did that.

Urkel next encourages a sing-along, to many groans and complaints. He suggests they sing “The Twelve Days of Christmas” and someone throws something and hits Carl in the head. Steve goes around assigning days to everyone but has difficulty getting anyone to participate. As he continues singing, another item goes flying through the air and again hits Carl.

Meanwhile, back at the Winslow house Grandma is reading the Christmas story from the Bible to the family as everyone is anxiously waiting for Carl to return. And they realize Steve is with him.

Back on the train, Urkel is still singing and the only person contributing is a half-sleeping guy in a trench coat and hat who sings the “five golden rings” part. Next Steve encourages everyone to tell the guy dressed as Santa on the train what they want for Christmas. To which the obese but not pregnant woman replies “I’ve got a better idea. Let’s all take turns pounding your face with whatever objects we happen to bring with us.”

The tree guy approaches Carl and warns him that since he brought Urkel on the train it’s his responsibility to make him shut up. Carl asks Steve why he always does stuff like this. And Steve replies “I just wanted to make everyone feel better”. Carl reminds him that he hasn’t. Which makes Steve feel bad as he sits down and is finally quiet.

You can tell this makes Carl feel bad as he turns to Steve and asks him if he is okay.

Urkel: Carl, it’s Christmas Eve. And everybody’s supposed to be happy. But instead, everybody’s mad at everybody else..

Urkel then stands up and says “Listen, folks,”, to which everyone grumbles. “I know, I know, I know. You’re all tired and hungry and you want to be at home spending Christmas Eve with your families. But does sitting here feeling grumpy make you feel any better? Well, I think not.”

He then approaches various passengers and asks them about their gifts and who they are for. He points out the ring on the obese-not-pregnant woman’s hand and she offers that the ring belonged to Roger’s mother and Urkel asks if this is her first Christmas with Roger and she says “yes” and then he adds, “Will you ever forget it?” And she replies, “No. Never.”

Steve goes on to state that “Christmas isn’t a place… it’s a feeling. It’s the love and warmth of friends and family. It’s a feeling we get in our hearts this time of year and we take that feeling with us wherever we go. Why Christmas can even be here, on this cold, dark train.”

He then grabs the Christmas tree and starts decorating it, followed by offerings from the other passengers. Suddenly the lights on the train come back on and they start moving again. Miraculously, the passenger’s spirits have improved as Carl leads them in a sing-along of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”.

Carl finally arrives home much to his family’s delight. Carl has invited Steve to spend the night because he has reminded him of what Christmas is all about. The episode ends with everyone, including Steve, embracing in a group hug.

This episode, which aired fifty years ago today, starts off with Lamont getting on Fred about doing inventory to which Fred pretty much ignores him. Then Lamont says he’ll finish decorating the tree when he returns, to which Fred tells him to forget about because “we ain’t got no money to spend on that foolishness”.

Just before Lamont leaves, Aunt Esther shows up with gifts for Lamont and Fred. After some rude banter back and forth between Esther and Fred, Esther follows Lamont out the door.

Then Fred is visited by a young neighbor named Ronnie Small who is there to talk to Fred about a job. He’s trying to earn ten dollars to buy a Christmas gift for his parents. Ronnie says he’ll do anything which is intriguing to Fred. So Fred puts him to work.

Lamont and his friend Rollo show up and Lamont questions Fred about Ronnie and what he’s doing at the house. Fred explains that he’s paying him to do the inventory and paint the house. Lamont gets angry because he feels he’s ripping off the kid. Rollo presents Fred with a gift but Fred refuses it. As Fred says “I don’t want his present and he don’t need his past and nobody wants to see him in the future.”

Lamont keeps referring to Fred as Scrooge which of course leads us into the next segment of the episode when Fred falls asleep. And dreams he is greeted by Lamont dressed as the Spirit of Christmas Past.

The Spirit takes Fred back to his past, to the house where he grew up in St. Louis where Fred sees his mother and his younger self. When Fred becomes overwhelmed with sadness (and probably guilt from admitting to The Spirit that he spent the rest of his mother’s money on candy), the Spirit returns him to his home. Only for Fred to be greeted by another Spirit. The Spirit of Christmas Present.

He takes them to a party where Aunt Esther, Donna, Rollo, Bubba and others are. Esther admits she didn’t invite Fred because he doesn’t have the Christmas spirit and states that Lamont didn’t want to go because he didn’t want to embarrass his father. When Esther toasts Fred, Fred gets upset, stating “don’t be nice to me” and he begs the spirit to take him home.

Next we see Lamont standing before Fred dressed as an astronaut. When Fred sees him he asks, “Who are you? The Spirit of Liberace?” Of course he is the Spirit of Christmas Future. And he shows Fred what his future could be like: living all alone, with no son and no friends. Not because he doesn’t have deodorant. But because he has no Christmas spirit. Fred become visibly upset again and demands they leave, saying about his future self “I don’t like him”.

Back at his house he is awakened by Ronnie who seems concerned for his welfare. Fred gives Ronnie twenty dollars and when Ronnie reminds him it was only supposed to be ten, Fred says “where’s your Christmas spirit?”

The scene then shifts to Lamont and Fred celebrating Christmas with a decorated tree and music playing. Ronnie and his family show up and Lamont suddenly learns why Fred told him that Lamont wouldn’t be getting any of his gifts until his birthday in February. Because Fred gave them all to the Small family. And although the gifts were all monogramed with Lamont’s initials, it all worked out because Fred told them that the letters LS were his philosophy: LOVE SOMEBODY.